au-chew conversations

I don’t know how but we started talking about whether we would ever want to have kids and I had a brilliant brain wave…

D: Hey, do you think if I get pregnant, and have a c-section while giving birth, they could also do some liposuction, since you know, they’ve already opened me up?

J: ……………………


burn me a house!

so that day while out on a walk, we saw a chinese funeral and started discussing how we would like our last rites to be..

D: eh, so what sort of funeral you want

J: hmm, I haven’t really given it much thought.. you?

D: OH OH.. burn me a house! 

J: so you want a taoist funeral

D:  i’m not taoist.. i don’t want the chanting..  i just want the house burning.. make sure it’s big with servants and all

J:  -_____________-

D: oh and i want people to come speak at my funeral and say how great I am etc etc

J: so do you want to be in a “condo“?

D: no, just put my ashes in a cocktail shaker and leave me at home

J: !! what!

D: then I can haunt you after my death!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHa

J: -________________-

more wedding conversations

K says:
Do I get the chauffer hat?
D says:
i iz looking for one
K says:
lulz, really?
D says:
you want gold tie or black skinny tie
K says:
wtf! gold tie
D says:
yar yar i trying hard to look for one
K says:
No gold tie!
D says:
gold tie to match the jie meis
K says:
Gold tie so obiang !
D says:
all the other guys are getting one
girls are wearing gold dresses
so must wear something matching what
if not wear what
jet is wearing silver
K says:
But but, me is chauffer, not a heng tai nor a jie mei what
I’m special
D says:
you not jie mei?
ok you get FLOWER
K says:

perhaps i shld stop wondering out loud so often..

recent conversation with a gf…

me:  i’m wondering if i can do without the flower bouquets on wedding day



your hand bouquet?

me: yar

what am i going to do with it?

i don have an aisle to walk down

*long pause*

are you okay

did i just cause you to burst a blood vessel?



hur hur hur..