So there’s a general rule in the Au-Chew Household that no mandarin shows are watched cause I don’t like them. yes it’s selfish but jet humours me. Also, he just generally doesn’t watch mandarin shows. He’s free to watch them when i’m not around, which is a lot, but he also chooses to watch other shows. [also he doesnt know where to get them hahaha].

The one exception to this rule is during the Chinese New Year Period. It’s the time of the year where he’s allowed to binge watch as much as he wants and I humour him. This year, he started watching some weird show where the girl’s name is Yoyo Mah and the dude’s name is 13.  It was very odd. I think the name of the movie is called my sassy husband. This is the show that make me ban mandarin movies from my home. It’s very.. whingy. Maybe all rom coms are? I don’t know. I don’t watch any form of rom coms.

SO ANYWAY, I decide look if we’re going to watch a mandarin / canto movie. It should be at least one with some standards. So I go get myself a copy of IP Man and start watching.

Well. 10 mins into the film, I start texting my gfs and another friend.

[spoilers ahead. this is of IP Man 1]

Me: WHERE ARE THE HOT MEN! who is who? which one is donnie yen? isn’t he supposed to be good looking? that’s not good looking.

GFs: ip man IS donnie yen.

Me: I was told there was good looking men in this film

GFs: and no, not good looking. are you thinking magic mike?

Me: no. why is there so much dueling? did a child just cycle through a fight scene? HAHAHAHA. Now a feather duster is beating a sword. This is epic on so many levels. there are feathers everywhere.

GFs: because wing chun. wing chun is magic. wing chun is the answer to all

Me: actually, what does IP man do for work? he doesn’t take students (subs put it as dojo…i don’t think kung fu schools are called dojos) and he just lives like a really rich man

other friend: he is a rich man son. Ah xia kia.

Me: hur hur hur

Me: why is that speccy biz man dude always putting moisturier on his hands. HMMM. am i missing something?

~bunch of chinese words with no subs and sad music. think it has something to do with the jap invasion.~

Me: is that dude going to die? do people die in this movie! NO… THOUGHT THIS WAS A FEEL GOOD KUNG FU MOVIE?!

Is that guy even Japanese? he doesn’t look japanese. HMM.

OH no his wife is sick!

His friend is going to die over a bag of rice isnt he?

GFs: this is war, a bag of rice is everything dude.

Me: is this dude’s name crazy lin?! what sort of name is crazy lin? where is his steel box? oh no, this one is definitely going to die over a bag of rice without ever finding his steel box.

EH WHY GOT SHOOTING! this is a dojo! god damn it. now all the mats have blood on it!

Oh no. IP MAN is angry. ANGRY IP MAN is on FIRE FIRE FIRE!

He wants to fight 10 men? at the same time? how is that even fair?

other friend: yar lor, he lugi (loses out). at max he’ll get 10 bags of rice.

Me: why did he put the yam there. does he want to eat the yam later?

other friend: yar it’s for his family. aren’t you following?

Me: BUT why did he put it there? next to the bag of rice with blood?

Other friend: it’s war time. there’s nothing to eat. a bit of blood is fine.

Me: all i’m saying is that he could have just placed his yam somewhere futher. away from the blood pools. you know. BLOOD disease?

other friend: blood disease really isnt that big a deal.

ME: zzzz.

hahah the last of the 10 jap dudes fighting him is scared shitless. he’s like. Just kill me lah. I surrender.

What? no! don’t kick the rice. that’s rude. why didnt he take his 10 bags of rice? wth dude. why did you take the bloody bag of rice instead? don’t give that to the greiving family? you could have just taken a CLEAN bag of rice to give them you fool! you had 10 bags!

that yam again! don’t give it to your wife. surely it’s gone bad by now you could have given her proper rice. but you didn’t!

Other friend: it’s ok. just wash the rice a few times it will be ok. anyway pig blood a delicacy. so should be ok.

Me: -___-“

So he won’t train a disciples but he will train a factory of people? but also not his son. er ok.

actually, why didnt IP man get conscipted to go fight the war. I’m assuming they conscripted people. i could be wrong.

GFs: he is the everyman reluctant hero. his son doesn’t need wing chun. he has IP MAN.

Me: i see.

ok IP man saves the day and fights the jap dude in front of everyone.

wait. why don’t the soilders just kill the local people? they’re just trying to hold the line. EH? alright translator dude shoots annoying jap dude.

IP man escapes with family. WOO HOO

bunch of chinese words with no subs. i gather it’s something about them going to hong kong? 

so yes depsite the somewhat snarky comments above, I actually really liked this movie. it’s a good feel good movie with nice fight scenes that are believable unlike some other shows *cough*hero*cough* which have ridiculous ones. pretty but ridiculous. [i also only know this cause I went to watch Hero after watching IP MAN].


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